Sick Revenge

I read a little story today from one of my friends, Neil. Always good value and always lovely to catch up with him, he's a hard man to get hold of as he travels the country almost non-stop. This is from his blog. Enjoy.

So I get off the plane in Melbourne with a six and a half hour stop over.

What to do?
Melbourne has great Chinese food, so it would only be right to get myself a good feed.

Into the heart of Melbourne I trek.
A bus ride and a walk later I am in the heart of china town.
There is a little restaurant I like called “china inn”. It has great BBQ pork and fantastic hananeise chicken rice.
Divine.
I walk for about two k’s to get a feed of this heavenly cuisine, I am not disappointed!
I wolf down a fat-inducing meal of taste bud overload Chinese and I’m off.
What has this to do with revenge you might ask.
Nothing really, it was just a really good feed of Chinese.
I climb on the bus back to the plane, an uneventful trip really. (Well, there is a guy who looks like someone I know on the bus and I have missed the two busses I had planned to catch because I was drinking with locals, but anyhow).
I rock up to Melbourne airport at 8pm ready to board an airplane to come home.
Home.
How I miss home.
Anyhow. (This is a drunken story, can you tell)?
I had grabbed a window seat at the back of the plane when I booked. None of the front seats were available, but I wanted a window.
From the two years of travelling I have noticed that the rear seats on the plane are reserved for people with kids.
I got no issue with that, most of the time it is quite quiet, with most people able to chill the kids out, or the kids being nice and quiet.
Not this time.
From the moment we boarded the kid in front of us screamed.
The parents seemed to be oblivious at first.
Then as the child screamed for each parent they would respond.
I was dismayed.
I thought that the parents would be able to control their child to some degree, but not these.
Each time the child screamed for something they gave it.
Once they realised the child was not going to stop screaming they threatened the child with violence.
How the fuck do you think you can get away with threatening violence to a child on an airplane?
How are you going to smack your child?
There is not enough room to stretch your arms let alone beat a problematic sprog dump.
Yet they threatened.
By the time my “swipe your card to watch the" movie started everyone was looking at them.
They had the child that would be the catalyst for the journey home.
The children around us had started to sook just as the child in front did.
Each time the child in front whined so did the other fucking lambs.
More threats, more cries, more threats to smack its arse, more cries.
For fuck sake, hit it, slap it, punch it, ask the hostess to stick it in the bin. Just shut the fucker up!
A whole plane load of children are watching, a whole plane load of people waiting.
Finally quiet. Finally peace.
An hour of fucked up whining when it hits me.
I had about five hours in Melb.
I had not only nice Chinese, but nice beer.
Lots of nice beer.
I like beer.
I walked for about five hours, each time I passed a pub I would grab a pint.
If you could see my spelling pre posting you would know I am writing this pissed.
Anyhow.
I nearly missed the plane due to Carlton draught.
Bloody Carlton draught you might think!
But no.
I boarded the plane and continued on my merry beer consumption way.
After sitting in the seat, when the child first cried I pulled out my pen and made stabbing motions.
The kind of stabbing motions that would be accompanied by the music(?) from “Psycho”.
“Rreek. Rreek, Rreek”
Everybody around me laughed.
We all could see this satanic child for what he was.
A flight destroyer.
Raised by retards to annoy the world.
No lamb shanks on the menu, I have sandwiches.
The plane is finally peaceful.

For nearly six hours I have been drinking beer.
I ate Chinese food.
I had to burp.
It was a small one, I smelt it and realised its potential.
(You know where I am going don’t you)?
I looked around the plane at each of the people that had been annoyed at not only the child, but the parent’s inability to control this satanic creature and I had an idea.
I burped again, this time a little bigger.
Toxic.
And again, only this time I kept my mouth closed. My cheeks puffed at the pressure, but my lips never unsealed.
I leant forward, AND BETWEEN THE SEATS I GENTLY BLEW, RELEASING THE TOXIC BBQ PORK CHICKEN RICE WIND into the row in front of me.
The row of the demonic child, (let's call him Damian).
No one moved.
I leant back and continued to Watch my movie. (Iron man).
Game on.
Damian was falling asleep by now.
Each time I had a burp bubble over I held it in my mouth to blow into the seat in front of me.
Each time I watched Damien’s fathers head turn and look at Damian.
As my BBQ pork burps fester to explosion I would pass them into the demons space with a smile on my face.
Each time father of Damian would look at his son.
He leant over to his wife and said something.
Her and Damian swapped seats.
The seat next to me was empty.
The guy two seats up had been in on the pen stabbing joke, time to bring him to the next level.
I pulled the pen out again, motioned for his attention, stabbed a couple of times as I burped into my mouth and then showed him I was burping between the seats.
He laughed.
My next big burp I leant over and placed carefully between him and the middle set.
Damien’s mum moved quickly.
Damian got the “have you poo'd your pants" pat and then we laughed.
The guys behind me figured out what was going and I got the thumbs up.
Damian was moved to his dads lap.
Each and every burp was quietly loaded into my mouth and gently blown into Damien’s peaceful space.
I watch Damien’s parents check his pants about ten times thinking he had shit his pants.
Thank you Chinese food.
These people who had not been interested in quietening their son until he could not be quieted spent the whole flight thinking he had shit himself because of my Chinese burps.
The two guys behind me and the guy in my row spent our flight watching movies and laughing each time I burped.
I developed a system where I would raise my hand, check that they were watching and then burp.
I think this is the best revenge I have ever had.
Harmless and justified....

Hanging Out with the Man

I've really been enjoying myself the last few weeks. Even though work is uncertain and the GFC (Global Financial Crisis, not the Geelong Football Club) is taking its toll on industry, I have had enough time and spirit to enjoy myself and those around me. I have spoken to or at least emailed those which I miss most and will make time to catch up, and of course I have been hanging out with Robin.

The weather has been warming up greatly with the first hot day of the season about two weeks ago. Summer really does come out of nowhere in Perth. I have been riding the bike more, going out more and generally having fun.

Spending time on the bikes: here, there and everywhere

The piano is also sold and there is room in the house, I have also been saving lots of money and hopefully I will be moving out with Robin in the next few months. I'm already looking forward to finding somewhere nice, a little villa in Rivervale perhaps, close to the city and close to work (povo Perth International Airport) with room for all the toys and perhaps even a BMW 8 series.

Good news is that the sales and marketing team (including me) are going to be moving offices to the upper level of the "Gate 1" complex on the other end of Horrie Miller Drives. Even better news is that Nandos is going to be opening up on the ground floor along with Subway and Dome. Miiiiint!

International Visitors

Last week I had the pleasure of having Pete back over from Sweden for a whirlwind tour of Australia with two fellow designers, Camilla and Patrik.

It was great to catch up for dinner at the Bluewater Grill in Applecross (a place I will definitely visit again). I shared a seafood platter for two and enjoyed every bite! I highly recommend trying the cuttlefish!

It was also Pete's Birthday on the 8th of October and I will make an effort to stock up at the Margaret River Chocolate Factory and send some chocolates over to Sweden.

In other news, I caught up with Ben on Thursday night for dinner and a few beverages in Mount Lawley. He had come back home for two weeks from Tanzania. It was great to hear of all the stories and how much fun he is having over there and that the work is a lot more rewarding than fly-in/fly-out of Plutonic.

All this travel has got me thinking of heading overseas again, this time for Jess and Joel's wedding in Koh Samui next September. Here's the plan...

September 24-26 Singapore Forumla 1 Grand Prix, Singapore
September 27-October 2, Koh Samui, Thailand
October 3-11, Bangkok, Thailand
October 12-19, Hong Kong *maybe*
October 20-26, Sepang Moto GP, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Four weeks, Four countries. It would be the most awesome month of travel.

Lady Owner, Only Driven On Weekends

NOT!

Yesterday, one of the guys in my office comes up to my desk and starts looking at the photos pinned up on my wall. There are photos of me at the drags on the 400, at the track on the 400 and the R1, stills of the bikes, action shots, burnouts, portraits... my tribute wall to myself.

He points to a photo of my 400 (Paris) parked up at Causeway Honda and asks if its a 400, '92 model and if I bought it from Causeway Honda. I reply "yes" to all of his questions...

It turns out that he was the second owner of the bike! Derek had owned the bike up until about 25,000km at which he traded it in on another Honda. It was then sold for $5,500 to someone else at which it was then bought by me for $4,990 with 48,000km on the clock.

He brought in a photo today of the old girl, with ugly yellow rim strips and gold bar ends. I asked him if anything was wrong with the RH bar end and he confirmed that a bashed-in broomstick handle kept it all in place. That's mah girl! He also confirmed that the belly pan had been busted from day one and only the side bolts held it on. I later told him that I araldited the whole belly pan together and he wondered why he never thought of doing that.

Paris is now a whisker shy of 72,000km on the clock and I hope she can do another 30,000 without a single plume of smoke. Most reports indicate that the 399cc engines will do 120,000km's easy.

Withing the next year, I hope to be able to get her back to her original glory and finally get the fairings fixed (or better yet, remoulded), repainted, and strip her down to her bones and give her a complete wash and electrical overhaul. Robin has already foolishly volunteered to tackle that one. On the bling list will be to get some nice levers (ASV), a new pipe (Yoshimura), polish the rims up, redo the heel guards... who knows what else! Maybe even fork out for some race fairings and take her up and race Formula Two. I might even have a chance at winning something.

Cough, Splutter, Choke

God damn it. I'm sick again. Only good thing about being sick is going in to work, knocking over the morning, scoring a free lunch, then going home to nap in the afternoon. Two days running! At least this time it's only the common cold, not a debilitating virus.

Things have been going steady, steady this week. I may not have already mentioned, but Robin and I are slowly looking for a place to move into together. It's pretty new and exciting but sure as hell it will put a strain on the pocket. Last week I paid off all my oustanding debts (minus the home loan, its hard to pay off a house in 3 years) like my credit card and its back to saving up full time. It's a most awesome feeling and a heavy weight off my shoulders. I'm looking forward to going shopping for a fridge, a washer, a microwave and one day furniture! I'm also glad to be taking the next step with Robin. I just hope he knows what he's getting into! LOL *hugs and kisses*

Slack. Again!

Yes, I've been terribly bad at updating my blog. For once, heaps has been going on. So much so that I haven't really found the time to write.

So here goes, the abbreviated version of all things good, and inte så bra.

First off, yesterday I did my second beginners Swedish lessons with the Swedish School of WA. I'm doing pretty well as I've done Pimsleur's Swedish 1 CD a few times, I've been to Sweden of course and picked up a lot whilst I was there. I'm looking forward to the rest of the course and doing the Advanced course next term! Robin is doing the course with me and picking it up very quickly too. It's such a refreshing feeling going back to school and learning. I sometimes wonder why I don't actively go and learn things. Next on the list would probably be a cooking class, maybe some finance, AutoCAD, something mining related. Master of Mineral Economics anyone?

Two weeks ago I hit rock bottom in the health stakes. I was dead to the world. Well, not far off it. I had a random virus possibly caught from Hornet that made me tired, drowsy, flat and lacklustre. I lived on 3L of orange juice over 4 days. I ate one piece of toast that took 20 minutes to eat. I had to rest after going up or down the staircase at home. All I did was sleep and drink juice for almost five full days. I was always pale and sweaty. At least noone was pestering me from work. What was even worse, was that Sebastian (a mate from Sweden) was in Perth to visit and I couldn't even properly take him out on the town or anything. We did go to Whiteman Park, AQWA and the like, but we didn't do dinner or drinks enough. There wasn't enough time to catch up. Sorry Sebbe!

It was my 26th Birthday last Wednesday but I pretty much celebrated all week. On the Wednesday, I took some Polish donuts into the office for morning tea. It was the first time I had celebrated a Birthday at work, usually I'm out and about jetsetting all over the world. This time, I was still here. Not that there's anything wrong with that! I got some money towards Swedish lessons from Mum and Dad, a nice top from Mum, and Robin got me one of the best gifts I've ever received... Pluto! Mum, Dad, Robin and I also went out to dinner on Thursday to Pines in Scarborough. Mmmm, yummy foooooood.

Meanwhile, things at work are going a little pear shaped. The "Engineering Team" has pretty much one member left, and that's me. People leaving and signing contracts with other departments... but that's how these things go. Now I will have to fight for more money and better value. To say I am annoyed is an understatement! But still, tomorrow is another day and I will be at work as usual, just clocking up time in order to get paid and use the money for something I'd rather be doing!

So, its hej då for now.

FOR SALE: Alex Steinbach upright piano

So, know anyone that wants to buy a piano?

It's an Alex Steinbach in gloss black.
German scale, in tune, great condition, no scratches or dents.
Comes with red key cover, hinged book stool and buffing pad.
Looking for about $1,800. Pick up only.
Email me if interested, myvolvowillkillyou@hotmail.com