The Itch

I have cuts on my legs. I have little red marks on my arms. I'm itchy and I can't stop scratching.

I get dermatitis sometimes. I get it from two things. Dust mite, and stress. Why is it that I am awake at 11pm on a Sunday night because I'm thinking about work. Why am I thinking about getting in early to move the BHP Billiton manuals and chuck the contents into the recycle bin? Why do I need to remember to ask Tom about the manuals for the surface rigs so I can clear some out? This isn't even one of my job tasks. I just do it because nobody else will. And the person that did it before me, was fired 3 months ago. The backlog is enormous. Customers are starting to withold payments. And how is this my problem? I'm an engineer and I'm packing boxes and filling out picking slips. What. The. Fuck.

And then how does a person off the street, without a degree, who is meant to be my "assistant" start on a higher salary than me? Am I being taken for a ride? Or should I just put less effort in and not worry so much?

I'm itchy behind my knees, I scratch my hands until they bleed. There's something very wrong with where I am right now. The only things keeping me sane are the ones that around me that I love. Those that actually want to know how I am and listen even if I'm not alright.

I apologise for rattling on but deep down inside, I'm not really a happy camper for the 8 hours of the day where I get paid. The boss is avoiding me like the plague, I'm not getting a lot of support and frankly, I'd rather not be there. I work too many hours for the credit I (ocasionally) get. I'm taking two days off in lieu next week and I really don't care if shit hits the fan because I sure as hell won't be reading any emails or answering any calls. I will have four days off with my man and we will be left in peace. Rain, hail or shine.

Now I'm thinking about other things I still haven't done. My wireless isn't working and I'm typing this as a draft in good ole Notepad. I need to vacuum my car and chuck out all those god damned spare bike parts that I will never use. I need to stitch the velcro pad back onto my bike gloves. And change the sheets on my bed which I should have done on the weekend, and wash them. Take all my fencing gear off the line and vacuum the inside of the roller bag from all the dust and grass that gets in there. I need to book an appointment with my hairdresser to get my colour refreshed and a trim. It's always those little things that I just can't get around to doing. I'm not sure why I have so much trouble in finding time or motivation to do them!

Well, the wireless still isn't working. And I've already played about five games of Spider Solitaire so I really should get back to bed as it's a school night and I need to get up at 0630.

I'm still itchy. Is it July 10 yet?